The jokes thread...

[mirimark]

My Lil buddy mirimark walks into the Patent office last Thursday and Tells the Patent Officer that he has Invented an Apple that tastes Like PUSSY.  The Patent Officer starts Laughing at him and says; Your kidding right ?  mirimark says;  seriously, it tastes Like Pussy and hands the Apple to the Patent Officer.  The Patent Officer holds the Apple to his nose and takes a couple short and Quick sniffs and Looks a mirimark and says;  It doesn't smell Like Pussy.  mirimark said;  I said it tastes Like Pussy, not smells Like Pussy.   The Patent Officer raises a brow and decides to take bite.  After taking a Bite of the Apple the Patent Officer starts to choke and spits the Apple out and says;
That fucking tastes Like Shit.  mirimark says;  TURN IT A LITTLE.

[69billy]

How can you separate the men from the boys in Greece???
With crowbar..........

[mirimark]

How do you get a One-Armed man out of a Tree ?
Wave to him.

What do cows do for Entertainment?
They go to the MoooooooVies.

Whats better than Roses on a Piano?
Two Lips on an Organ.

Knock,,Knock ?

[mirimark]

A Lady is in a shoe store and she Picks the Floor Display and tells the salesmen she wants to try this shoe on. The Lady sits in the chair and the salesmens squats to size her foot. When the salesmen looks up at her He notices she is not wearing any panties. He Looks at the women and says; Baby, I'd Love to eat that Pussy full of Icecream. Very Offended the Lady rushes home and tells her Husband, The Lady says Honey I want you to Go down to that shoe store and Knock the Fuck out of that salesmen. The Husband says; Now,,,Now,,, Honey wait a minute.
No.#1 You have too many pair of shoes to begin with.
No.#2 You shouldn't be leaving the house without any panties on.
No.#3 Anybody who can eat that much Icecreame I don't want to Fuck with.

[mirimark]

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.

The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.

One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.

As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't shoot the magnificent creature but out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly".

HELLO ! Is thing On , or am I wasting my Time here ?

[Road Runner]

Mummy do they celebrate Christmas in Vietnam?

No Dear - but this year they're going to hang Glitter


RR

[Road Runner]

What else got stuck up his ass?

In one of Howard Stern's books he listed some of the strangest emergency room ass vists including an oil can and a light bulb!        

I always thought the strangest things removed from peoples backside in hospitals were quick drying cement and a gerbil - live I assume  

For anyone who fancies trying the lightbulb - DON'T   On one medical course a nurse pointed out that they are very fragile and if they break inside it causes real damage  

RR.

[mirimark]

A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We
have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from
sex for one whole month."

The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the
Church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is
crying, and the husband is obviously very depressed.

"You are back so soon...Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired.

"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain
from sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly.

The pastor asked him what happened.

"Well, the first week was difficult.

However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower.

The second week was terrible, but with the use
of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was
unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the
Bible...anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon,
my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it.

When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my
way with her right then and there," admitted the man, shamefacedly.

"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church,"
stated the pastor.

"We know." said the young man, hanging his head, "We're not welcome at
Home Depot, either".

[mirimark]

Why do women have Legs?
Cause if they didn't, they'd leave a Snail Trail.

[mirimark]

Why do Shepherds wear 501's?
Because Sheep can hear a Zipper a mile away.

[allstar88]

question:do they celebrate christmas in vietnam?                      answer:no,but this year they will be hanging Glitter                            

[mirimark]

Does anyone know how to make Ugly Babies?

[mirimark]

((ANSWER))....

Ask your Mother.

[mirimark]

Don't you think it Hipocritical that all these Hetrosexuals are against gays when they're the ones having all these gay babies?

[mirimark]

Hello,,,,Hello? Is this the Stupid online game?
Three doors down? O.K.