Tweet
August -
My Mom started getting really possessive after my father died. I'm an only
child and she always paid a lot of attention to me. But since it's just the
two of us now in the house it seems like she has nothing better to do that
constantly check up on me. While it's really irritating, I put up with it
because I know the strain that she's under. It's got to be tough to live
with someone for almost thirty years and then have them die suddenly. I
guess that I'm all that she's really got left right now. So when she bugs
me about spending more time with her, or not going out as much at night
with my friends, I put up with it. I'm just looking forward to when she
develops some outside interests and makes some new friends so that she'll
have something else to occupy her time.
I was heading out of the house yesterday and she asked me where I was
going. I told her that I was going to find some place to get my hair
cut. Now before telling you any more, you have to understand my attitude
toward my hair: it grows, it gets cut, eventually. What it looks like
in-between I don't really care. For some reason Mom got on my case about my
hair: how I wasn't taking good care of it, how it looks so sloppy, and so
on, and how she thinks it could look much nicer. "So OK Mom" I said,
"What's the point?" The point was that she wanted to spend the afternoon
washing and styling it for me. "But it's too long. Look, it's almost down
to my shoulders" I said. Well, nothing was going to change her mind so I
spent a couple of hours with my head over the kitchen sink while she washed
it, and then put conditioner on it, and on and on. She ended up parting it
in the center so that it sweeps down and than back over my ears. She was
really pleased with the results. I've got to admit that it looks a lot
different, but I'm not that wild about keeping it that long. I figured that
I'd just get it chopped off short so that I didn't have to worry about
taking care of it. Now I have to shampoo and condition it every day or
so. Mom keeps commenting on how nice it looks though, so I guess it's worth
it to keep her happy.
Dad used to do most of the maintenance work on our old car - I think he
really liked to just putter around under the hood. Even though it'' almost
11 years old, it still runs pretty good, as long as you spend a couple of
hours every week adjusting things, and doing small maintenance on it, and
stuff like that. I was working on it yesterday morning, changing the oil
and the filter and when I came in for lunch, Mom got on my case
again. "Look at your hands." "What a mess." And so on. So I'd cracked a
couple of fingernails, and there was dirt and oil under the nails. It would
eventually wash off or wear away. She wouldn't have that, though. She made
me wash my hands as lean as I could get them, and then she took something,
I think she called it a "rosewood stick", and cleaned my nails for
me. Finally after my hands were sparkling I could have lunch. "What a waste
of time" I told her. "They're just going to get dirty again the next
time. "No they're not" she said. "We're going to have the garage take care
of the car from now on." So I guess that's the way it's going to be from
now on. I did like working on the car, but as she said it's a pretty messy
operation.
It's not only the car she doesn't want me to work on. Just about anything
that could involve any kind of exertion or dirt is frowned upon. "Let
somebody else do that." Is becoming a very familiar refrain around the
house. It's like she's constantly keeping track of me. The minute my hair's
a little unruly, or my hands are dirty, or there's a stain on my shirt, or
I'm wearing the same pair of jeans for two days in a row, it's "Danny, time
to clean up now honey." I don't think I've ever been cleaner or neater in
my life. At least when I've cleaned up she does compliment me, telling me
how nice I look, and how proud she is that I'm her son. OK Mom, enough is
enough.
September -
Whenever she's not checking up on my appearance, or cleaning up around the
house, Mom goes shopping. She's tried to get me to go with her but no
way. My method of shopping is the "slam, bang" method. I run in the store,
grab what I need, pay for it, and get out as fast as possible. Mom make a
real production out of it - sometimes I think that the longer it takes her
to get just what she wants, the better. I'm not sure about her taste
sometimes, though. The other day she came home and announced that she had
bought a "present" for me. Some present - a dozen pairs of tan bikini
briefs. Now personally I prefer jockey briefs. They feel good and I like
the support they provide. After she bugged me a couple of times, I tried on
one of the pairs of bikini briefs and even wore it for the afternoon. It
didn't feel really comfortable under my jeans though, so I just shoved the
dozen pairs in the back of my underwear drawer - kind of like filing them
under "presents to be forgotten."
I wish she would let me get my hair cut. It's grown a couple of inches and
now rests on my shoulders. She won't hear of it though. And now she's got
me spending almost an hour a day taking care of it. Like in the morning I
have to shampoo it and apply conditioner. Then it has to be dried and
brushed. And in the evening it has to be brushed again. I've got to admit
that it does look nice - very full and glossy - but it's a style that would
go better on a girl than a guy. Being as long as it is, whenever I lean
forward it falls on either side of my face and I have to keep reaching up
and brushing it back. I guess I'm doing that unconsciously now. You know,
the movement when someone with long hair has it fall forward and they keep
doing whatever they're doing and just unconsciously reach up and brush
their hair back behind their ears. Whenever Mom's not around, I'll just put
a rubber band on it to hold it back in a ponytail but she's not big on
that. So as soon as she sees me, the rubber band comes out.
October -
One of my friends was by the house this morning, and when he left Mom asked
me if he was wearing an earring. I said that yeah, a lot of the guys were
wearing these little stud-like things now but that it wasn't a big deal. I
guess I misinterpreted her question because then she asked me why I didn't
get my ears pierced? Pierced ears? "No way Mom! I told her. "I guess you're
right Danny." she said. "Some people are just afraid of a couple of seconds
of pain." Me a coward? Now those were fighting words. So just to show her
that I could "take it", we went out to the mall and I got my ears pierced -
it hardly hurt at all. I've got these little stainless steel studs in my
ears till the holes heal up in a week or so. It's not so bad, you can
hardly see them. And once the holes heal and I can take the studs out,
nobody will be able to see anything. It's not that I think an earring would
make me look like a sissy or anything, it's just not my style.
Seems like Mom could do a better job of keeping up with the laundry. When I
went to get dressed this morning my underwear drawer was empty. Well, there
were those pairs of tan bikini briefs wadded up in the back and since I
didn't want to go without underwear, I put a pair of them on. They sure are
small, like they just barely cover up my crotch. What feels really
different though, is when I pull my jeans on. When I'm wearing my jockey
briefs, they pretty cover up the area on my lower tummy from my navel down
to my crotch - now most of that is exposed and the soft skin there rubs
against the rough inside of my tight jeans. After a couple of minutes
walking around the house like this, I had this big erection. And of course
the bikini briefs are so small that when that happens, everything just
kinda pops right out. So now I also have my dick rubbing against the inside
of my jeans. And after a couple of minutes of that I came - in my jeans!
Now it wasn't the mother of all jerk offs or anything like that, and my
jeans didn't get so wet that I had to change them or anything, but it's
definitely a new way to masturbate. Maybe there's something to be said for
the bikini briefs after all..........
Guess Mom doesn't have enough to keep her busy - like trying to run my life
isn't enough of a full time job for her. She's talking about redecorating
the house. Well, not like tearing everything out and rebuilding or
anything, but she wants to repaint or change the wallpaper in the rooms,
and maybe replace the draperies. Stuff like that. She's been hauling sample
books home for the last week to look at wallpapers, and paint colors, and
fabrics and stuff like that. She's been trying to get me to help her with
her choices but it's like "Mom, I am not into interior decorating." I just
told her to go ahead and that whatever she picked would be OK with me.
November -
When I came down for breakfast this morning, there was a small box with
gift wrapping sitting on my plate. I asked Mom what it was and she said
that it was just something that she came across while she was shopping the
other day and that she bought it for me on the spur of the moment. I opened
it up and it contained two small diamond earring studs. I'd planned on just
letting the holes in me ears heal over but I couldn't disappoint her so I
let her take out the stainless steel studs and replace them with the
diamond studs. I was afraid the guys were going to kid me about wearing
earrings in both ears but I solved that problem by changing my hairstyle
just a little. I fixed it so that my hair now hangs down on either side of
my face, framing it in sort of a pageboy or something like that, and my
ears are now all covered by the hair. I guess there's something to be said
for long hair after all.
I don't know whether this is a bad winter for colds, or what the problem
is. But it seems like I've had a cold every couple of weeks. Just about
when I'm getting over one, I'll get another. The last one ended up turning
into an ear infection and that was no fun at all. Mom checked with her
doctor and I guess he told her that I might need a vitamin supplement. So
he gave her a prescription and she's got me taking two tablets in the
morning and two in the evening. I always figured vitamins were off-the
shelf and that you just took one a day, but that's not what this
prescription calls for. Oh well, at least she didn't get me the Fred
Flintstone kiddie kind.
Mom must have noticed that I've worn the bikini briefs every so often. Like
maybe the stains on them kinda told her something? I was looking for a pair
of jockey briefs last week and couldn't find any. I asked her and she said
that she thought I preferred the bikini briefs now so she had thrown all my
other underwear out. I guess that's OK with me. It turns out that I really
like the feel of the skimpy briefs better than the jockey briefs anyway -
just took me awhile to get use to them. But Mom sure know how to take a
good thing too far. A couple of days after that she went to the store and
got me some more bikini briefs, and some undershirts too. Now I had been
wearing the white cotton t-shirts but those were the regular
undershirts. These are the ones with no arms and a larger opening at the
neck, and just thin straps over the shoulders. I guess I could have lived
with that but they were silk! I asked her what was the idea, and she said
that the silk ones had been on sale and cost a lot less than the cotton
ones and that she didn't think that I'd mind. So now I'm wearing silk
underwear. It's funny, after the first couple of days I decided that I
actually like it better then the cotton. I like the way it feels so smooth
and slippery on my body.
December -
My hair is getting really long now. I've given up asking Mom to let me get
it cut because I know what the answer will be. It now hangs a good 4 inches
below my shoulders. It takes me a little longer to care for it in the
morning and evening, but it's not like I had a lot else to do with my
time. And just sitting on my bed and combing it in the morning an evening
feels so relaxing. I like the way it feels when it brushes my shoulders as
it sways when I walk. Mom got something from the drugstore several weeks
ago that she called a "lightener." My hair was always a fairly dark shade
of blonde, but after using the lightener it's much lighter now. Mom was
commenting upon how pretty my hair looks now and I had to agree with her.
I'm still taking the vitamins twice a day but if they were supposed to give
me that "burst of extra energy", they're a failure. It's not that I don't
feel good or anything, just that I don't have the ambition to go out and
hang around with the guys and play sports and stuff the way I used
to. Quite often on weekends when I don't have anything else to do, I'll
sleep in till noon and then just come downstairs wearing the silk bikini
briefs and undershirt that I sleep in now. Then I can just sit at the
breakfast table with Mom for hours, just drinking coffee and talking about
things.
I guess that I should have paid more attention to the redecorating that Mom
was working on. The guys that she had doing the painting just finished with
my room today and I don't like the look at all. Like I had outgrown the
cowboy wallpaper years ago, but the color scheme that she picked is a white
and a light pink. And of course, all the curtains and the spread on my bed
all match. My friends don't stop by the house too often now, but I'd never
live it down if they could see my bedroom now. I guess the only good part
about it is that Mom got silk sheets and pillowcases for my bed. I really
like the way that they feel - so soft and smooth against my skin. I guess
that the only drawback is that I have to be careful not to "stain" the
sheets. Like with the beatup old cotton sheets I had, I could lie in bed at
night and play with myself and sometimes one thing would lead to another,
and pretty soon there would be another stain on the old sheets. I guess
that I can live with this though, with my reduced level of activity has
come a reduced desire to frequently masturbate. Well, I still do, but these
days I get turned on just by the feel of my hair brushing my shoulders, or
my silk underwear against my body, or the smoothness of the silk sheets on
my bed - but I rarely go "all the way" if you know what I mean.
January -
One thing that I should probably do is be a little more careful of my
diet. With less exercise, I guess that I'm burning less calories now and I
must have put on a few pounds. I'm not sure how much I've gained as I
always had a naturally slim figure and I new had to worry about gaining
weight. But I must have gained some as my jeans are getting really tight on
me. There are a couple of pairs that I can't wear at all unless I leave the
waist unbuttoned. I mentioned this to Mom and she said that she'd get me a
couple of new pairs the next time she went shopping. She did that a couple
of days later and it's a lot more comfortable being able to get my jeans on
without really scrunching my tummy. I was comparing an old pair to a new
pair and it looked as though the waist and the inseam were the same, but
the new ones sure fit better. I asked Mom and she said that she'd just
gotten some that were a fuller cut in the bottom. Whatever she did, it
worked. Along with the jeans, she got me a couple of new shirts. Well
actually, they looked kinda fancy for guy's shirts and she told me that
they were really blouses - "on sale" again. I didn't care because they were
silk and the white one especially looked so pretty that I couldn't wait to
try it on.
Mom managed to get me to go shopping with her today. I had to admit that it
wasn't as bad as I figured it would be. There was one embarrassing part but
I'll get to that in a minute. It was kinda fun just wandering thru the
stores, checking out the new styles, and noting how the different fabrics
and colors looked. I even tried on a couple of pairs of slacks and a new
blouse. Mom bought me a new pair of earrings, even though it must have
taken the two of us almost a half hour to choose just the right pair. The
embarrassing part came in the middle of the afternoon. We had lunch at the
food court and I had a large diet coke (gotta watch the weight). A couple
of hours later I began to get this feeling that I was going to have to take
a leak. I told Mom that I had to make a "pit stop" and headed off to the
Men's Room. The problem was that when I got there it was closed. Some boys
had plugged up one of the toilets till it overflowed and made a real mess
and they weren't going to have it cleaned up for another hour or so. I went
back and told Mom that we had to leave RIGHT AWAY because I really had to
go bad and the Men's Room was closed. She just looked at me and said "Don't
worry Danny, just use the Lady's Room." I said "WHAT??" And she replied
that by the time we got out to the car and we got home that it would be
almost an hour, and besides with my long hair and the pretty blouse and
jeans that I had put on that morning, that probably nobody would
notice. "Just don't talk to anybody." she said. I thought about it and the
idea of peeing in my pants really didn't appeal to me so I figured that
about the worst that could happen would be that if someone caught me that I
could say that I just wandered into the wrong room by mistake. So I went
into the Lady's Room and it was no big deal - there was no one else in
there. I just went into one of the stalls, closed the door, dropped my
jeans and panties and squatted down and took a huge pee. Then I readjusted
my clothing and got out of there FAST! Walking back thru the mall, I
checked out my reflection in several store windows and saw that how with my
slim build, long hair and pretty clothing, that I could be mistaken for a
girl if no one looked too close.
February -
I thought that I noticed a fragrance when I came home and went up to my
bedroom yesterday. I opened my dresser drawer to try on some different
clothes and the odor was stronger. Not a bad smell but kind of a light
citrus aroma with a little spice thrown in. I asked Mom what had happened
and she said that she had added a "sachet" to my clothes drawers and
closets to make things smell nice and fresh. Well, that's OK, but now
whenever I go out I smell like I'm wearing perfume. Like this afternoon, I
was getting some groceries and the girl behind me in the checkout line
tapped me on the shoulder and said "I hope you don't mind me asking but
what's that fragrance that you're wearing? I really like it." I just kind
of smiled and said that it was a recent present from my mother and that I
had forgotten the name, but thanks for the compliment.
I was in the drug store in a strip mall near out house today, buying
several magazines and I noticed that the store was having a clearance on
candles, so I bought almost a dozen, and a variety of holders to go with
them. It took me almost an hour to make sure that I had the right
combination of colors, and sizes and scents. I took them back to my bedroom
and cleared off a spot on the dresser and got them arranged and lit them
all and turned off the lights in my room. It looked really neat with my
room lit only by the flickering warm glow from the candles. I just lay
there on my bed and read the fashion magazines for several hours by the
candlelight. Mom stuck her head in once and told me not to burn the place
down. Sure Mom.
Mom came back from shopping the other day and told me that she had gotten
something for me. I asked her what it was and she handed me a bag that
contained several different bottles of nail polish - in all different
colors. After supper she showed me how to prepare my nails and apply the
polish properly. It did look kinda funny to see my hands with the
fingernails painted bright red. I liked the look. But I didn't want anybody
to see me that way so after we were done I cleaned everything off with nail
polish remover. In my room at night, I cleaned and painted my toenails -
bright red again. Since nobody can see my toenails with my socks and shoes
on, I decided to leave them painted.
March -
I usually jerk off in the shower in the morning. Like, I don't get my
bedding or clothing messy and it's easy to wash off the cum. And I like the
feel of the warm water on my body too. Anyway, I hadn't done "it" for a
couple of weeks and when I went to do it this morning, it took a long
time. It didn't help that Mom kept yelling at me to finish up because I was
going to use up all the hot water. When I finally finished I realized that
I had been fantasizing about one of the male models I had seen in my
fashion magazines. That's funny, I'd never done that before.
I didn't realize what a hassle long fingernails were. I haven't cut my
fingernails for about 6 months now and they're getting pretty long - like
they stick out about a half inch beyond the ends of my fingers. Mom has
been making me take good care of them so they're not chipped or broken or
anything. I used to be able to just punch in the numbers on the telephone
by hitting the buttons with the tips of my fingers, but no more. I find
it's easier to push the buttons with a pencil now. And it's definitely
slowed my typing speed. Even with the hassles, I don't want to trim them
back because I really do like the way they look now. I've accumulated a
pretty good collection of different colors of nail polish and it's fun to
try out the different colors. I usually end up using a pale shade of pink
as I like that the best.
My jeans were getting pretty tight again so Mom offered to get me a couple
of pairs. She measured me and went off to the mall while I cleaned up the
kitchen dishes and started the laundry. When she came home I tried on the
pairs that she had gotten me and they fit really well. Buying clothes is
one thing that I've never been really good at and I'll have to have Mom
give me some pointers sometime. It's like she has this instinct - never
gets the wrong size. I was looking at the tags on the jeans though and it
didn't look like they were boy's jeans. I asked Mom and she said that for
some reason she couldn't get the right combination of measurements in the
Boy's Department and had to go to the Girl's Department. I asked her what
the problem was and she said that it took her awhile to locate a style that
was narrow in the waist but fuller in the hips. She'd done a good job
though, as I really liked the way that they felt and looked on me. As I was
looking at myself in the mirror, I saw what she had been talking about. My
waist is still narrow, but my hips seem to be broader than I remembered
them, and when I turned around it looked like I had put on some weight in
my butt - it seemed to be a little bigger and more rounded. Mom saw me
looking at myself and laughed and said that it was probably from sitting
around and snacking while I watched too many soap operas and that maybe she
should get an exercise tape for us at the video store. I said no thanks.
I was thinking about what happened with the new jeans last week and so when
I was getting dressed this morning I carefully examined my body. It does
look a little different. I was never really muscular or anything, and I'm
not sure how to describe it now but my body seems to be, for want of a
better word, "softer" now. I'd guess that I've put on about ten pounds in
the last six months but it's not like I've gotten chubby or anything. A lot
of the added weight seems to have gone to my hips, and butt and upper
thighs. I'm definitely more rounded and softer in that area now. I tried
lightly bouncing up and down a little and could see the cheeks of my butt
jiggle. And where my stomach was flat between my navel and my crotch, now
there's kind of a soft swelling there. It's funny that I'd never noticed
the changes before - guess they happened very gradually. Maybe I should
take Mom up on that offer of an exercise videotape. On the other hand, I
don't feel bad, and while I look a little different it doesn't bother me or
anything so maybe it's no big deal.
April -
There wasn't much going on so I figured that I'd spend the day shopping at
the mall. I looked around and found a pretty necklace that I liked so I
bought that. It's a small diamond on a tiny golden chain. If I leave the
top buttons on my blouse unbuttoned you can see it against my chest. And I
needed some new panties so I got those. I had the same problem that Mom had
with my jeans, had to buy girl's panties instead of boy's bikini briefs to
get some that were full enough in the waist and rear to accommodate my new
shape. Once I found the right size, I figured that I'd better get enough to
last so I ended up getting three dozen. Plain white seemed a little boring
so I got a variety of colors. I think that I like the yellow the best.
Mom and I went to see a movie last night and it was one of these super-long
films, over three hours. About halfway thru the effects of the large Pepsi
I had bought when we came in became apparent and I excused myself to go
take a leak. I went into the Men's Room and was walking toward the urinals
when this guy who was standing at one of them turned around and looked at
me. Then he did a double take and said "Pardon me Miss, but aren't you in
the wrong room?" I stopped in my tracks and didn't know what to do so I
just gasped and put my hands up to my face and kind of squealed "OH MY GOD,
I'M IN THE WRONG ROOM!" and turned around and ran out. After I got back in
the theatre lobby, I had to pee worse than ever so I just acted like
everything was normal and went into the Lady's Room, located an empty
stall, went in, squatted down, and let go. Then I got up washed my hands
and walked back to the lobby - all the time with my heart pounding like
mad. When I went back into the movie and told Mom what had happened she
giggled, then that got me giggling, finally we were making so much noise
that we had to get up and leave the movie. We must have looked funny as we
went out into the mall, kind of leaning on each other and laughing and
giggling out loud.
May -
I'm not sure how to explain this but something funny is going on with my
chest. I was lying in bed this morning, trying to think of an excuse why I
shouldn't get up. You know how when you feel that you really should get up
but it feels so good to just lie under the covers and relax. Anyway, I
moved my right hand up to scratch my chest and I noticed that the left side
of my chest felt a little different. Then I checked and the right side felt
the same way. Like, both sides of my chest feel a little softer and fuller
now, and when I stroked them there was this funny sensation that felt kinda
good. I got out of bed and took off my silk undershirt and stood in front
of the mirror and examined myself. It did look like both sides of my chest
were a little fuller now. And I wasn't sure but it looked like my nipples
might be just a little larger and slightly darker. I don't know whether
this is just a little weight-gain thing, or whether there's something
wrong, but I was kind of embarrassed to mention it to Mom so I figured that
I'd just keep watch for a week or so and see whether there were any more
changes.
My hair is getting REALLY long now. It's almost down to my waist. I finally
got Mom to agree that I could get it cut shorter. At least I thought that I
had. But it turned out that what she really wanted to do was to take me to
a beauty parlor to have them clean and condition it, tint it a little
lighter, and just trim off an inch or so at the bottom that was a little
ragged and frizzy. It took them almost all morning to get everything
done. And the operator kept saying things like "Oh, your hair is so
beautiful. I know girls that would do anything to have hair like this."
Sure lady, but I'm not a girl and I really would like to have my hair a lot
shorter. No changing Mom's mind, though. After they were done with me, I
had to admit that it did look pretty spectacular. Like, it's a very light
shade of blonde, really thick and glossy and straight - hanging almost to
my waist and swaying back and forth as I walk. As we were walking out of
the mall, I could see an occasional person, usually a guy, turn and look at
me. That felt kinda good.
June -
Mom told me that my hair looks so much nicer now that I really should have
some better clothes to wear than the standard jeans and a shirt or blouse
that I usually wear. So we did our usual shopping expedition to the
mall. She took me in a number of shops, mostly ladies clothing shops, and I
ended up getting some more blouses, a couple of nice sweaters, and several
pairs of slacks. I had to admit that they looked a lot nicer than the jeans
that I had been wearing. When I was trying on the clothes, I made sure to
keep my back turned so that nobody could see my chest. I don't think it's
getting any smaller. On the way back to the car, Mom made one last stop at
a dress shop. I thought she was looking for something for herself but when
she headed for the Junior's Section, my worst fears were confirmed. I
grabbed her arm and politely told her that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should
she even consider trying to get me to wear a dress. Case closed. She was
just in that kind of mood where she just had to buy one more thing before
heading home. So we compromised and she bought me a white silk nightie.
We were sitting at the breakfast table yesterday morning, drinking coffee
and watching one of the morning talk shows when I noticed Mom staring at my
chest. I looked down and my nipples were very obvious thru the top of my
nightie. I don't know whether it was because the kitchen was kinda cold
that morning, or whether my chest had gotten a little bigger, but there
were these two lumps pushing the nightie out a good inch or so. I quickly
excused myself and ran up to my room. I walked over to the mirror and
removed the top of the nightie and examined my chest. Yes, the swellings
and the nipples were larger. Together they stuck out about an inch
now. Where my nipples had been small and kind of a pale pink some time ago,
they were now a dark pink and about an inch in diameter. I gently stroked
one and it responded by hardening and projecting out about another quarter
of an inch. At the same time I noticed how good that felt. This was all
kind of strange to me and I wasn't sure how to deal with it so I figured
that I'd ignore it for awhile. I took my morning shower, fixed my hair, got
dressed and came down for lunch. I'd been careful to put on one of the
baggy sweaters so that my chest wasn't noticeable. When I walked into the
kitchen, my Mom wasn't there and there was a note on the table that said
that she had some errands to run. So I fixed myself a PB&J sandwich and
just sat there and watched TV for awhile. About halfway thru the sandwich,
I realized that I'd unconsciously reached up under the sweater and was
fondling my nipples, enjoying the sensation that resulted. Mom returned
home in the middle of the afternoon and she said that among her other
stops, she'd stopped by her doctor's office and chatted with him about what
she had noticed was happening to my chest. I guess he told her that it
might be some sort of allergic reaction to the vitamins she had been giving
me so he had given her a new prescription. So instead of taking two small
white pills twice a day, I'm now taking one large brown pill twice a
day. Mom's sure a nut on health foods and vitamins and stuff.
July -
My cooking ability was like zero. I could pour milk on cereal, or make a
cold cut or PB&J sandwich, but that was about it. The other week Mom asked
me if I'd like to learn how to cook a little. I guess I was bored that day
because I agreed. The surprising thing was that I really enjoy it. I'll
never be a world-renowned chef or anything, but it's fun to try new
recipes. Quite often after supper when all the dishes are cleared away and
washed, I'll just curl up on the couch with a couple of cookbooks and plan
the menu for the next day. I'm doing most of the cooking now, and enjoying
my new-found talent.
Mom's been pretty busy at work lately. In addition to her regular hours,
she's been putting in some overtime and having to go in occasionally on
weekends. I've pretty much taken over doing all the housework to help her
out. I don't mind doing the work and it's nice to be able to look over a
neat and spotless house and take pride in what I've done. Well, that's not
100% true. I do not enjoy doing the bathrooms - especially the toilets -
ugh! Now I can see why Mom was always on my case to be careful and not
splatter any when I took a pee. I've found that it's just as easy to sit
down now when I have to pee instead of standing up like I used to do. At
least when I'm sitting down there's less chance of missing the bowl and
making a mess that I'll later have to clean up.
August -
We had a really hot spell of weather the past week. The temperatures were
in the upper 90's and it was pretty humid. I really don't enjoy weather
like that. The minute I go outside to do any yard work I get all sweaty and
don't feel really comfortable until I've gotten back in the air conditioned
house, taken a shower and dried my hair, and slipped into some nice clean
clothes. It's funny. I was thinking back to about a year ago when I enjoyed
crawling around on the ground under the car, fixing things and not worrying
about how dirty and oily I was getting. I just don't enjoy doing that kind
of thing anymore. Other than the hot and sweaty part, I don't want to take
a chance on messing up my hair. It looks so nice these days that I don't
want to take a chance that I'll get any grease or grass cuttings or dirt in
it.
I don't think that change in vitamins is working the way it was supposed
to. If I was having an allergic reaction to the old prescription, I'm
having the same reaction to the new prescription - maybe even a little
worse. It seems like the swelling in my chest is getting a little bigger,
and my nipples are so tender now that I have to be careful what kind of
tops I wear. I put on a rough cotton blouse the other day and the feeling
of my nipples rubbing against the rough fabric was so irritating that I had
to take it off immediately. I haven't said anything about this to Mom. I've
been wearing looser and baggy tops, no sheer fabrics, so that nothing shows
thru so I don't believe that she's aware of the changes. It's not that I
feel sick or anything so I haven't felt any urgency about discussing it
with her. I figured that I'd just wait awhile and see if things went back
to normal. Actually, there's one part about it that I like. When I lie in
bed in the morning and massage my swollen nipples, the sensation is totally
unlike anything else that I've ever experienced. Even better than jerking
off. Well, speaking of jerking off, I haven't been doing a lot of that
lately. It's just not as pleasurable as it used to be. I can still get an
erection but it takes a lot of playing with myself before I can come, and
the sensation doesn't seem to be as intense as it used to be. It's like,
why go to the trouble when playing with my nipples feels so good and is so
much easier. And I don't get stains on stuff from playing with my nipples!
September -
I hate these phone telemarketers! It seems that when I'm just getting into
some project around the house that the phone rings and I've got to listen
to some asshole try to sell me a new set of gutters. (That's gutters for
the house, not gutters for me personally. HA! HA!) And what really pisses
me off is when I answer the phone and they ask to speak to "..... the man
of the house ....." or they call me "miss" or "madam." Jesus, don't they
know I'm a guy? I hate that. At supper tonight I was telling Mom how that
really annoyed me and she said that maybe it's because my voice seems to be
a little higher-pitched lately. Now I'd never had one of those really
low-pitched rough male voices, but as I listened to myself talk to her I
could see what she was talking about. My voice does seem to be
higher-pitched and softer now.
Mom was kidding me that I ought to be a little careful about my weight. I
guess that with staying around the house most of the time, and sampling my
own cooking that I have put on a few pounds. I sure don't feel any heavier
but when I look in the mirror I can see that my face looks a little rounder
and smoother. Now that we're getting past the hot summer season, I thought
that I might like to take up jogging as an exercise. I went over to the
shopping center a week ago and after much looking finally picked out a
jogging suit. It's really pretty in a pale blue color and looks nice on
me. The first time I went jogging the sensation in my chest surprised
me. As I was jogging I could feel the added weight bouncing around a
little. It's not that it was unpleasant or anything, but I hadn't expected
to feel that. The one problem I had was that my nipples were rubbing on the
inside of the jogging suit and getting somewhat irritated. I thought that
the soft cotton fabric of the suit wouldn't be a problem but I guess my
nipples are more sensitive that I had realized. I found that I could solve
the problem by putting a large band-aid over each nipple before I went
jogging, and then removing it when I came home. That seems to work really
well except that I have to be just a little careful when I remove the
band-aid as the skin on my chest is rather soft and sensitive.
Actually, speaking of soft and sensitive, it seems that the skin all over
my body has taken on a softer texture. It's not bad or anything, just that
it looks different. I figure that it might be because I'm wearing softer
clothing these days instead of the rough shirts and jeans that I used to
wear. Or maybe it's because I'm not doing a lot of heavy outside work and
my skin isn't getting as irritated from the sun and weather. In any event
my skin has a soft white color with a hint of a rosy blush on my cheeks. I
don't think that it looks bad, in fact I like it. Mom got me some creams
and lotions that I can use after I shower and I enjoy putting those on. The
other thing that surprised me is that I just realized that I haven't had to
shave for over a month now. It's not only that my beard has stopped
growing, it's like I don't really have any facial hair at all, just a
little soft down on my cheeks. That doesn't bother me either. One thing
that I never really enjoyed doing was shaving every morning. Either I used
the electric razor and irritated my skin and ended up with a rash on my
neck for several hours, or I used the safety razor and risked nicking
myself and getting spots of blood on my shirt. Thank heaven I don't have to
do that anymore. There is still some hair on my arms and legs, but even
that is lighter and finer, almost a very pale blond, so that it's not
noticeable at all.
October -
Mom called me from work in the middle of the afternoon yesterday to say
that she had been having a really bad day and needed to unwind so if I'd be
ready when she got home, that she'd take us out to supper. She said that
she was thinking about taking us to a new steakhouse that had opened up so
to be sure and dress nice. I hadn't been out of the house in a while and
that sounded nice to me so I finished cleaning the house and then got
ready. I picked out a pair of tan slacks that I like, and a white silk
blouse to go with them. I figured what the heck, might as well go all the
way so I put on a bright red shade of fingernail polish, and brushed my
hair till it shone. When I was putting on the blouse, I noticed that the
gold necklace chain was hanging a little differently. The weight of the
small diamond used to pull the chain down from my neck in a straight "V"
shape. Now because of the changes in my chest, the sides of the "V" are
pushed in toward the center. I had a new pair of white loafers that I had
only worn once or twice so I put those on - no jogging shoes for me
tonight. Mom pulled into the driveway about 6pm and honked the horn and I
came running out and piled into the car and we took off. Since it was a
Thursday, the restaurant wasn't crowded and we were seated in a nice booth
in the corner right away. The restaurant has a western theme and all the
waiters were dressed like cowboys. Our waiter was named Craig and I had to
admit that he looked kind of cute in his tight jeans. So anyway, he's
standing there taking our orders, and Mom kinda kicked me under the table
lightly and I looked over at her and she flicked her eyes up at Craig. I
looked up at Craig and he was staring down at my chest. I had left the top
two buttons on my blouse open and not only were the swellings on my chest
pushing the blouse out in two tiny mounds, but where my blouse was
unbuttoned, you could just see the tops of the swellings. Apparently Craig
really liked stuff like that. After he had taken our order, Mom looked at
me and said "..... that was so funny ....." At first I wasn't sure what to
think of some guy staring at my body that way but then I began to think
that she was right. I don't know why I did what I did next - probably some
brain flash or something - but I bent down and undid the next two buttons
on my blouse so that my chest was exposed right down to the tops of my
nipples. When Craig came back with our salads I thought his eyes were going
to pop out of his head and I noticed that he seemed to have this big
swelling in his crotch. When he cleared our salad plates and returned with
the main course, he had to stand right over me so that he had the best view
down into my blouse. The whole thing was beginning to get me a little
turned on too, and my nipples responded by becoming erect, so now I had two
large hard nipples straining at the thin fabric of my blouse. The whole
thing was going way too far too fast, so after we finished our dinners, we
skipped dessert, paid the check at the cashiers, and left right away. I did
manage to slip a $20 bill under my dinner place without Mom seeing me -
Craig had put on a real show for me, and vice-versa I guess. Mom and I
didn't talk much in the car going home and I went right up to my room and
went to bed. I had trouble going to sleep though, I kept thinking about
Craig and the way he had stared at my chest.
Mom came home from work the other day with a big bag of cosmetics. She said
that as long as I was going to use any makeup at all (she considers
fingernail polish "makeup") that I had better learn how to things right. So
over the next couple of days, she spent the evenings after supper showing
me how to put on eye liner, mascara, blusher, lipstick, and all those sorts
of things. At first I figured it was really dumb but by the end of the
sessions, I was really enthusiastic to see how a little work with the
cosmetics could really change my appearance. Sometimes in the afternoons
when all the housework is done and I've got supper ready, I'll take an hour
or so in my room to experiment with the different kinds of makeup to see
what results I can achieve. This is kind of exciting.
November -
If this doesn't quit pretty soon, I'm going to have to talk to Mom. The
swelling of my chest isn't going away, in fact I've developed two rather
large and prominent white mounds. The best way of describing them is to say
that they look a lot like a girl's breasts - except that they aren't of
course. My nipples are much larger now, about two inches across, and have
turned from pink to a dark brown color. Between the "breasts" and my
nipples, the front of my blouse is forced out about three inches now. I'm
surprised that Mom hasn't noticed. I mean, it's pretty obvious when I walk
around the house. Even with wearing lose-fitting tops, you can tell that
something's happening in there.
Getting dressed now, I tuck my penis back underneath me between my legs. It
feels more natural that way, and I like the way that eliminates the ugly
bulge in the front of my panties. I've stopped wearing blouses now and
shifted over to thick baggy sweaters and sweatshirts to hide my growing
chest. Mom asked me about my change in clothing and I just said that the
house was a little chilly in the wintertime and that I liked the added
warmth - I think she bought it as she didn't ask any more questions.
December -
Well, Mom can't ignore the situation any more. I was standing in the
bathroom this morning, wearing only my panties while I dried my hair. All
of a sudden the door opened and Mom walks in, asking me if she can borrow
my hairbrush. All of a sudden she just stopped and stared at me. And her
jaw dropped as she continued to stare at my chest. I squealed a little and
dropped the hair dryer and tried to cover up my chest with my hands, but
the swellings are so large now that it was like trying to cover up two
grapefruits. About the best I could do was cover the swollen and protruding
large brown nipples that grace the swellings. After what must have been
several seconds, but which seemed like several hours, Mom stepped forward
and gathered me into her arms as I collapsed in tears.
Over the rest of the day my mother and I did a lot of talking. Basically
what she told me was that she was afraid of losing me after Dad died. For
some reason, she started feeding me female hormones, hoping that they would
"quite me down" and make me a little more dependent upon her. Little did
she guess the impact that the pills would have on my body. As we talked
freely, I realized that the changes I had been noticing in my body were the
hormones reshaping it to give me the secondary sex characteristics of a
girl instead of a boy: the heavier hips; higher voice; softer skin; lack of
body hair; and of course my "breasts." Mom immediately apologized over and
over again for what she had done to me and promised that she would take me
to a new doctor and explain what had happened. I told her that I didn't
want to rush into anything. What has happened to me has taken over a year,
and a day more or less won't make any difference at this point.
January -
Mom and I have been kind of taking it day by day for the past month. I
don't really know what I want to do. I really like the characteristics that
my body has developed over the past year, but I don't know how long I want
to go on part male and part female. At some point in the future I'll have
to make up my mind, but not right now. I have continued to take the
hormones but have greatly increased the dosage. I guess I want to see what
my body will become if we continue as we have. The only real effect is that
my breasts have become much larger and very pendulous. Mom offered to get
me some bras but I declined. I like the feel of the weight and heft of my
breasts swinging back and forth as I move, and I like to see their outline
showing thru the tight sheer blouses I wear now. We did measure me the
other day and calculated that if I did get a bra, that I would need about a
40DDD right now.
It's funny, over a year ago I guess I was what you'd call a "tit man." That
is I liked girls with big tits and could get really turned on by watching a
girl with huge tits and a tight sweater. And now I've got a pair of my own
to play with. Mom's still been after me to wear a bra "..... so that you
won't develop stretch marks and your breasts won't sag as you get older."
Well, I really don't think I have to worry about stretch marks too much at
my age, and if they want to sag, so be it - just more to play with! I was
looking at myself in the mirror the other day. From the back I look like a
young girl with my slim figure and long blond hair falling to my hips. But
when I turn around and you see the huge mammary glands that I've developed,
the effect is totally different. I sure turn the guy's heads when I walk
thru the mall these days. I walked past some old lady the other day and
heard her mutter something like "..... totally disgusting. She should wear
something to cover up that chest of hers." I thought that was so funny.
Mom and I decided to go out to supper tonight. We're going to go back to
the steakhouse. I haven't told Mom but I think I'll ask the hostess if
Craig can be our waiter. And I think that I'll manage to have an "accident"
some time during the evening and let one of my huge breasts spill out of my
blouse and onto the table. Should be a fun evening.
My Mom started getting really possessive after my father died. I'm an only
child and she always paid a lot of attention to me. But since it's just the
two of us now in the house it seems like she has nothing better to do that
constantly check up on me. While it's really irritating, I put up with it
because I know the strain that she's under. It's got to be tough to live
with someone for almost thirty years and then have them die suddenly. I
guess that I'm all that she's really got left right now. So when she bugs
me about spending more time with her, or not going out as much at night
with my friends, I put up with it. I'm just looking forward to when she
develops some outside interests and makes some new friends so that she'll
have something else to occupy her time.
I was heading out of the house yesterday and she asked me where I was
going. I told her that I was going to find some place to get my hair
cut. Now before telling you any more, you have to understand my attitude
toward my hair: it grows, it gets cut, eventually. What it looks like
in-between I don't really care. For some reason Mom got on my case about my
hair: how I wasn't taking good care of it, how it looks so sloppy, and so
on, and how she thinks it could look much nicer. "So OK Mom" I said,
"What's the point?" The point was that she wanted to spend the afternoon
washing and styling it for me. "But it's too long. Look, it's almost down
to my shoulders" I said. Well, nothing was going to change her mind so I
spent a couple of hours with my head over the kitchen sink while she washed
it, and then put conditioner on it, and on and on. She ended up parting it
in the center so that it sweeps down and than back over my ears. She was
really pleased with the results. I've got to admit that it looks a lot
different, but I'm not that wild about keeping it that long. I figured that
I'd just get it chopped off short so that I didn't have to worry about
taking care of it. Now I have to shampoo and condition it every day or
so. Mom keeps commenting on how nice it looks though, so I guess it's worth
it to keep her happy.
Dad used to do most of the maintenance work on our old car - I think he
really liked to just putter around under the hood. Even though it'' almost
11 years old, it still runs pretty good, as long as you spend a couple of
hours every week adjusting things, and doing small maintenance on it, and
stuff like that. I was working on it yesterday morning, changing the oil
and the filter and when I came in for lunch, Mom got on my case
again. "Look at your hands." "What a mess." And so on. So I'd cracked a
couple of fingernails, and there was dirt and oil under the nails. It would
eventually wash off or wear away. She wouldn't have that, though. She made
me wash my hands as lean as I could get them, and then she took something,
I think she called it a "rosewood stick", and cleaned my nails for
me. Finally after my hands were sparkling I could have lunch. "What a waste
of time" I told her. "They're just going to get dirty again the next
time. "No they're not" she said. "We're going to have the garage take care
of the car from now on." So I guess that's the way it's going to be from
now on. I did like working on the car, but as she said it's a pretty messy
operation.
It's not only the car she doesn't want me to work on. Just about anything
that could involve any kind of exertion or dirt is frowned upon. "Let
somebody else do that." Is becoming a very familiar refrain around the
house. It's like she's constantly keeping track of me. The minute my hair's
a little unruly, or my hands are dirty, or there's a stain on my shirt, or
I'm wearing the same pair of jeans for two days in a row, it's "Danny, time
to clean up now honey." I don't think I've ever been cleaner or neater in
my life. At least when I've cleaned up she does compliment me, telling me
how nice I look, and how proud she is that I'm her son. OK Mom, enough is
enough.
September -
Whenever she's not checking up on my appearance, or cleaning up around the
house, Mom goes shopping. She's tried to get me to go with her but no
way. My method of shopping is the "slam, bang" method. I run in the store,
grab what I need, pay for it, and get out as fast as possible. Mom make a
real production out of it - sometimes I think that the longer it takes her
to get just what she wants, the better. I'm not sure about her taste
sometimes, though. The other day she came home and announced that she had
bought a "present" for me. Some present - a dozen pairs of tan bikini
briefs. Now personally I prefer jockey briefs. They feel good and I like
the support they provide. After she bugged me a couple of times, I tried on
one of the pairs of bikini briefs and even wore it for the afternoon. It
didn't feel really comfortable under my jeans though, so I just shoved the
dozen pairs in the back of my underwear drawer - kind of like filing them
under "presents to be forgotten."
I wish she would let me get my hair cut. It's grown a couple of inches and
now rests on my shoulders. She won't hear of it though. And now she's got
me spending almost an hour a day taking care of it. Like in the morning I
have to shampoo it and apply conditioner. Then it has to be dried and
brushed. And in the evening it has to be brushed again. I've got to admit
that it does look nice - very full and glossy - but it's a style that would
go better on a girl than a guy. Being as long as it is, whenever I lean
forward it falls on either side of my face and I have to keep reaching up
and brushing it back. I guess I'm doing that unconsciously now. You know,
the movement when someone with long hair has it fall forward and they keep
doing whatever they're doing and just unconsciously reach up and brush
their hair back behind their ears. Whenever Mom's not around, I'll just put
a rubber band on it to hold it back in a ponytail but she's not big on
that. So as soon as she sees me, the rubber band comes out.
October -
One of my friends was by the house this morning, and when he left Mom asked
me if he was wearing an earring. I said that yeah, a lot of the guys were
wearing these little stud-like things now but that it wasn't a big deal. I
guess I misinterpreted her question because then she asked me why I didn't
get my ears pierced? Pierced ears? "No way Mom! I told her. "I guess you're
right Danny." she said. "Some people are just afraid of a couple of seconds
of pain." Me a coward? Now those were fighting words. So just to show her
that I could "take it", we went out to the mall and I got my ears pierced -
it hardly hurt at all. I've got these little stainless steel studs in my
ears till the holes heal up in a week or so. It's not so bad, you can
hardly see them. And once the holes heal and I can take the studs out,
nobody will be able to see anything. It's not that I think an earring would
make me look like a sissy or anything, it's just not my style.
Seems like Mom could do a better job of keeping up with the laundry. When I
went to get dressed this morning my underwear drawer was empty. Well, there
were those pairs of tan bikini briefs wadded up in the back and since I
didn't want to go without underwear, I put a pair of them on. They sure are
small, like they just barely cover up my crotch. What feels really
different though, is when I pull my jeans on. When I'm wearing my jockey
briefs, they pretty cover up the area on my lower tummy from my navel down
to my crotch - now most of that is exposed and the soft skin there rubs
against the rough inside of my tight jeans. After a couple of minutes
walking around the house like this, I had this big erection. And of course
the bikini briefs are so small that when that happens, everything just
kinda pops right out. So now I also have my dick rubbing against the inside
of my jeans. And after a couple of minutes of that I came - in my jeans!
Now it wasn't the mother of all jerk offs or anything like that, and my
jeans didn't get so wet that I had to change them or anything, but it's
definitely a new way to masturbate. Maybe there's something to be said for
the bikini briefs after all..........
Guess Mom doesn't have enough to keep her busy - like trying to run my life
isn't enough of a full time job for her. She's talking about redecorating
the house. Well, not like tearing everything out and rebuilding or
anything, but she wants to repaint or change the wallpaper in the rooms,
and maybe replace the draperies. Stuff like that. She's been hauling sample
books home for the last week to look at wallpapers, and paint colors, and
fabrics and stuff like that. She's been trying to get me to help her with
her choices but it's like "Mom, I am not into interior decorating." I just
told her to go ahead and that whatever she picked would be OK with me.
November -
When I came down for breakfast this morning, there was a small box with
gift wrapping sitting on my plate. I asked Mom what it was and she said
that it was just something that she came across while she was shopping the
other day and that she bought it for me on the spur of the moment. I opened
it up and it contained two small diamond earring studs. I'd planned on just
letting the holes in me ears heal over but I couldn't disappoint her so I
let her take out the stainless steel studs and replace them with the
diamond studs. I was afraid the guys were going to kid me about wearing
earrings in both ears but I solved that problem by changing my hairstyle
just a little. I fixed it so that my hair now hangs down on either side of
my face, framing it in sort of a pageboy or something like that, and my
ears are now all covered by the hair. I guess there's something to be said
for long hair after all.
I don't know whether this is a bad winter for colds, or what the problem
is. But it seems like I've had a cold every couple of weeks. Just about
when I'm getting over one, I'll get another. The last one ended up turning
into an ear infection and that was no fun at all. Mom checked with her
doctor and I guess he told her that I might need a vitamin supplement. So
he gave her a prescription and she's got me taking two tablets in the
morning and two in the evening. I always figured vitamins were off-the
shelf and that you just took one a day, but that's not what this
prescription calls for. Oh well, at least she didn't get me the Fred
Flintstone kiddie kind.
Mom must have noticed that I've worn the bikini briefs every so often. Like
maybe the stains on them kinda told her something? I was looking for a pair
of jockey briefs last week and couldn't find any. I asked her and she said
that she thought I preferred the bikini briefs now so she had thrown all my
other underwear out. I guess that's OK with me. It turns out that I really
like the feel of the skimpy briefs better than the jockey briefs anyway -
just took me awhile to get use to them. But Mom sure know how to take a
good thing too far. A couple of days after that she went to the store and
got me some more bikini briefs, and some undershirts too. Now I had been
wearing the white cotton t-shirts but those were the regular
undershirts. These are the ones with no arms and a larger opening at the
neck, and just thin straps over the shoulders. I guess I could have lived
with that but they were silk! I asked her what was the idea, and she said
that the silk ones had been on sale and cost a lot less than the cotton
ones and that she didn't think that I'd mind. So now I'm wearing silk
underwear. It's funny, after the first couple of days I decided that I
actually like it better then the cotton. I like the way it feels so smooth
and slippery on my body.
December -
My hair is getting really long now. I've given up asking Mom to let me get
it cut because I know what the answer will be. It now hangs a good 4 inches
below my shoulders. It takes me a little longer to care for it in the
morning and evening, but it's not like I had a lot else to do with my
time. And just sitting on my bed and combing it in the morning an evening
feels so relaxing. I like the way it feels when it brushes my shoulders as
it sways when I walk. Mom got something from the drugstore several weeks
ago that she called a "lightener." My hair was always a fairly dark shade
of blonde, but after using the lightener it's much lighter now. Mom was
commenting upon how pretty my hair looks now and I had to agree with her.
I'm still taking the vitamins twice a day but if they were supposed to give
me that "burst of extra energy", they're a failure. It's not that I don't
feel good or anything, just that I don't have the ambition to go out and
hang around with the guys and play sports and stuff the way I used
to. Quite often on weekends when I don't have anything else to do, I'll
sleep in till noon and then just come downstairs wearing the silk bikini
briefs and undershirt that I sleep in now. Then I can just sit at the
breakfast table with Mom for hours, just drinking coffee and talking about
things.
I guess that I should have paid more attention to the redecorating that Mom
was working on. The guys that she had doing the painting just finished with
my room today and I don't like the look at all. Like I had outgrown the
cowboy wallpaper years ago, but the color scheme that she picked is a white
and a light pink. And of course, all the curtains and the spread on my bed
all match. My friends don't stop by the house too often now, but I'd never
live it down if they could see my bedroom now. I guess the only good part
about it is that Mom got silk sheets and pillowcases for my bed. I really
like the way that they feel - so soft and smooth against my skin. I guess
that the only drawback is that I have to be careful not to "stain" the
sheets. Like with the beatup old cotton sheets I had, I could lie in bed at
night and play with myself and sometimes one thing would lead to another,
and pretty soon there would be another stain on the old sheets. I guess
that I can live with this though, with my reduced level of activity has
come a reduced desire to frequently masturbate. Well, I still do, but these
days I get turned on just by the feel of my hair brushing my shoulders, or
my silk underwear against my body, or the smoothness of the silk sheets on
my bed - but I rarely go "all the way" if you know what I mean.
January -
One thing that I should probably do is be a little more careful of my
diet. With less exercise, I guess that I'm burning less calories now and I
must have put on a few pounds. I'm not sure how much I've gained as I
always had a naturally slim figure and I new had to worry about gaining
weight. But I must have gained some as my jeans are getting really tight on
me. There are a couple of pairs that I can't wear at all unless I leave the
waist unbuttoned. I mentioned this to Mom and she said that she'd get me a
couple of new pairs the next time she went shopping. She did that a couple
of days later and it's a lot more comfortable being able to get my jeans on
without really scrunching my tummy. I was comparing an old pair to a new
pair and it looked as though the waist and the inseam were the same, but
the new ones sure fit better. I asked Mom and she said that she'd just
gotten some that were a fuller cut in the bottom. Whatever she did, it
worked. Along with the jeans, she got me a couple of new shirts. Well
actually, they looked kinda fancy for guy's shirts and she told me that
they were really blouses - "on sale" again. I didn't care because they were
silk and the white one especially looked so pretty that I couldn't wait to
try it on.
Mom managed to get me to go shopping with her today. I had to admit that it
wasn't as bad as I figured it would be. There was one embarrassing part but
I'll get to that in a minute. It was kinda fun just wandering thru the
stores, checking out the new styles, and noting how the different fabrics
and colors looked. I even tried on a couple of pairs of slacks and a new
blouse. Mom bought me a new pair of earrings, even though it must have
taken the two of us almost a half hour to choose just the right pair. The
embarrassing part came in the middle of the afternoon. We had lunch at the
food court and I had a large diet coke (gotta watch the weight). A couple
of hours later I began to get this feeling that I was going to have to take
a leak. I told Mom that I had to make a "pit stop" and headed off to the
Men's Room. The problem was that when I got there it was closed. Some boys
had plugged up one of the toilets till it overflowed and made a real mess
and they weren't going to have it cleaned up for another hour or so. I went
back and told Mom that we had to leave RIGHT AWAY because I really had to
go bad and the Men's Room was closed. She just looked at me and said "Don't
worry Danny, just use the Lady's Room." I said "WHAT??" And she replied
that by the time we got out to the car and we got home that it would be
almost an hour, and besides with my long hair and the pretty blouse and
jeans that I had put on that morning, that probably nobody would
notice. "Just don't talk to anybody." she said. I thought about it and the
idea of peeing in my pants really didn't appeal to me so I figured that
about the worst that could happen would be that if someone caught me that I
could say that I just wandered into the wrong room by mistake. So I went
into the Lady's Room and it was no big deal - there was no one else in
there. I just went into one of the stalls, closed the door, dropped my
jeans and panties and squatted down and took a huge pee. Then I readjusted
my clothing and got out of there FAST! Walking back thru the mall, I
checked out my reflection in several store windows and saw that how with my
slim build, long hair and pretty clothing, that I could be mistaken for a
girl if no one looked too close.
February -
I thought that I noticed a fragrance when I came home and went up to my
bedroom yesterday. I opened my dresser drawer to try on some different
clothes and the odor was stronger. Not a bad smell but kind of a light
citrus aroma with a little spice thrown in. I asked Mom what had happened
and she said that she had added a "sachet" to my clothes drawers and
closets to make things smell nice and fresh. Well, that's OK, but now
whenever I go out I smell like I'm wearing perfume. Like this afternoon, I
was getting some groceries and the girl behind me in the checkout line
tapped me on the shoulder and said "I hope you don't mind me asking but
what's that fragrance that you're wearing? I really like it." I just kind
of smiled and said that it was a recent present from my mother and that I
had forgotten the name, but thanks for the compliment.
I was in the drug store in a strip mall near out house today, buying
several magazines and I noticed that the store was having a clearance on
candles, so I bought almost a dozen, and a variety of holders to go with
them. It took me almost an hour to make sure that I had the right
combination of colors, and sizes and scents. I took them back to my bedroom
and cleared off a spot on the dresser and got them arranged and lit them
all and turned off the lights in my room. It looked really neat with my
room lit only by the flickering warm glow from the candles. I just lay
there on my bed and read the fashion magazines for several hours by the
candlelight. Mom stuck her head in once and told me not to burn the place
down. Sure Mom.
Mom came back from shopping the other day and told me that she had gotten
something for me. I asked her what it was and she handed me a bag that
contained several different bottles of nail polish - in all different
colors. After supper she showed me how to prepare my nails and apply the
polish properly. It did look kinda funny to see my hands with the
fingernails painted bright red. I liked the look. But I didn't want anybody
to see me that way so after we were done I cleaned everything off with nail
polish remover. In my room at night, I cleaned and painted my toenails -
bright red again. Since nobody can see my toenails with my socks and shoes
on, I decided to leave them painted.
March -
I usually jerk off in the shower in the morning. Like, I don't get my
bedding or clothing messy and it's easy to wash off the cum. And I like the
feel of the warm water on my body too. Anyway, I hadn't done "it" for a
couple of weeks and when I went to do it this morning, it took a long
time. It didn't help that Mom kept yelling at me to finish up because I was
going to use up all the hot water. When I finally finished I realized that
I had been fantasizing about one of the male models I had seen in my
fashion magazines. That's funny, I'd never done that before.
I didn't realize what a hassle long fingernails were. I haven't cut my
fingernails for about 6 months now and they're getting pretty long - like
they stick out about a half inch beyond the ends of my fingers. Mom has
been making me take good care of them so they're not chipped or broken or
anything. I used to be able to just punch in the numbers on the telephone
by hitting the buttons with the tips of my fingers, but no more. I find
it's easier to push the buttons with a pencil now. And it's definitely
slowed my typing speed. Even with the hassles, I don't want to trim them
back because I really do like the way they look now. I've accumulated a
pretty good collection of different colors of nail polish and it's fun to
try out the different colors. I usually end up using a pale shade of pink
as I like that the best.
My jeans were getting pretty tight again so Mom offered to get me a couple
of pairs. She measured me and went off to the mall while I cleaned up the
kitchen dishes and started the laundry. When she came home I tried on the
pairs that she had gotten me and they fit really well. Buying clothes is
one thing that I've never been really good at and I'll have to have Mom
give me some pointers sometime. It's like she has this instinct - never
gets the wrong size. I was looking at the tags on the jeans though and it
didn't look like they were boy's jeans. I asked Mom and she said that for
some reason she couldn't get the right combination of measurements in the
Boy's Department and had to go to the Girl's Department. I asked her what
the problem was and she said that it took her awhile to locate a style that
was narrow in the waist but fuller in the hips. She'd done a good job
though, as I really liked the way that they felt and looked on me. As I was
looking at myself in the mirror, I saw what she had been talking about. My
waist is still narrow, but my hips seem to be broader than I remembered
them, and when I turned around it looked like I had put on some weight in
my butt - it seemed to be a little bigger and more rounded. Mom saw me
looking at myself and laughed and said that it was probably from sitting
around and snacking while I watched too many soap operas and that maybe she
should get an exercise tape for us at the video store. I said no thanks.
I was thinking about what happened with the new jeans last week and so when
I was getting dressed this morning I carefully examined my body. It does
look a little different. I was never really muscular or anything, and I'm
not sure how to describe it now but my body seems to be, for want of a
better word, "softer" now. I'd guess that I've put on about ten pounds in
the last six months but it's not like I've gotten chubby or anything. A lot
of the added weight seems to have gone to my hips, and butt and upper
thighs. I'm definitely more rounded and softer in that area now. I tried
lightly bouncing up and down a little and could see the cheeks of my butt
jiggle. And where my stomach was flat between my navel and my crotch, now
there's kind of a soft swelling there. It's funny that I'd never noticed
the changes before - guess they happened very gradually. Maybe I should
take Mom up on that offer of an exercise videotape. On the other hand, I
don't feel bad, and while I look a little different it doesn't bother me or
anything so maybe it's no big deal.
April -
There wasn't much going on so I figured that I'd spend the day shopping at
the mall. I looked around and found a pretty necklace that I liked so I
bought that. It's a small diamond on a tiny golden chain. If I leave the
top buttons on my blouse unbuttoned you can see it against my chest. And I
needed some new panties so I got those. I had the same problem that Mom had
with my jeans, had to buy girl's panties instead of boy's bikini briefs to
get some that were full enough in the waist and rear to accommodate my new
shape. Once I found the right size, I figured that I'd better get enough to
last so I ended up getting three dozen. Plain white seemed a little boring
so I got a variety of colors. I think that I like the yellow the best.
Mom and I went to see a movie last night and it was one of these super-long
films, over three hours. About halfway thru the effects of the large Pepsi
I had bought when we came in became apparent and I excused myself to go
take a leak. I went into the Men's Room and was walking toward the urinals
when this guy who was standing at one of them turned around and looked at
me. Then he did a double take and said "Pardon me Miss, but aren't you in
the wrong room?" I stopped in my tracks and didn't know what to do so I
just gasped and put my hands up to my face and kind of squealed "OH MY GOD,
I'M IN THE WRONG ROOM!" and turned around and ran out. After I got back in
the theatre lobby, I had to pee worse than ever so I just acted like
everything was normal and went into the Lady's Room, located an empty
stall, went in, squatted down, and let go. Then I got up washed my hands
and walked back to the lobby - all the time with my heart pounding like
mad. When I went back into the movie and told Mom what had happened she
giggled, then that got me giggling, finally we were making so much noise
that we had to get up and leave the movie. We must have looked funny as we
went out into the mall, kind of leaning on each other and laughing and
giggling out loud.
May -
I'm not sure how to explain this but something funny is going on with my
chest. I was lying in bed this morning, trying to think of an excuse why I
shouldn't get up. You know how when you feel that you really should get up
but it feels so good to just lie under the covers and relax. Anyway, I
moved my right hand up to scratch my chest and I noticed that the left side
of my chest felt a little different. Then I checked and the right side felt
the same way. Like, both sides of my chest feel a little softer and fuller
now, and when I stroked them there was this funny sensation that felt kinda
good. I got out of bed and took off my silk undershirt and stood in front
of the mirror and examined myself. It did look like both sides of my chest
were a little fuller now. And I wasn't sure but it looked like my nipples
might be just a little larger and slightly darker. I don't know whether
this is just a little weight-gain thing, or whether there's something
wrong, but I was kind of embarrassed to mention it to Mom so I figured that
I'd just keep watch for a week or so and see whether there were any more
changes.
My hair is getting REALLY long now. It's almost down to my waist. I finally
got Mom to agree that I could get it cut shorter. At least I thought that I
had. But it turned out that what she really wanted to do was to take me to
a beauty parlor to have them clean and condition it, tint it a little
lighter, and just trim off an inch or so at the bottom that was a little
ragged and frizzy. It took them almost all morning to get everything
done. And the operator kept saying things like "Oh, your hair is so
beautiful. I know girls that would do anything to have hair like this."
Sure lady, but I'm not a girl and I really would like to have my hair a lot
shorter. No changing Mom's mind, though. After they were done with me, I
had to admit that it did look pretty spectacular. Like, it's a very light
shade of blonde, really thick and glossy and straight - hanging almost to
my waist and swaying back and forth as I walk. As we were walking out of
the mall, I could see an occasional person, usually a guy, turn and look at
me. That felt kinda good.
June -
Mom told me that my hair looks so much nicer now that I really should have
some better clothes to wear than the standard jeans and a shirt or blouse
that I usually wear. So we did our usual shopping expedition to the
mall. She took me in a number of shops, mostly ladies clothing shops, and I
ended up getting some more blouses, a couple of nice sweaters, and several
pairs of slacks. I had to admit that they looked a lot nicer than the jeans
that I had been wearing. When I was trying on the clothes, I made sure to
keep my back turned so that nobody could see my chest. I don't think it's
getting any smaller. On the way back to the car, Mom made one last stop at
a dress shop. I thought she was looking for something for herself but when
she headed for the Junior's Section, my worst fears were confirmed. I
grabbed her arm and politely told her that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should
she even consider trying to get me to wear a dress. Case closed. She was
just in that kind of mood where she just had to buy one more thing before
heading home. So we compromised and she bought me a white silk nightie.
We were sitting at the breakfast table yesterday morning, drinking coffee
and watching one of the morning talk shows when I noticed Mom staring at my
chest. I looked down and my nipples were very obvious thru the top of my
nightie. I don't know whether it was because the kitchen was kinda cold
that morning, or whether my chest had gotten a little bigger, but there
were these two lumps pushing the nightie out a good inch or so. I quickly
excused myself and ran up to my room. I walked over to the mirror and
removed the top of the nightie and examined my chest. Yes, the swellings
and the nipples were larger. Together they stuck out about an inch
now. Where my nipples had been small and kind of a pale pink some time ago,
they were now a dark pink and about an inch in diameter. I gently stroked
one and it responded by hardening and projecting out about another quarter
of an inch. At the same time I noticed how good that felt. This was all
kind of strange to me and I wasn't sure how to deal with it so I figured
that I'd ignore it for awhile. I took my morning shower, fixed my hair, got
dressed and came down for lunch. I'd been careful to put on one of the
baggy sweaters so that my chest wasn't noticeable. When I walked into the
kitchen, my Mom wasn't there and there was a note on the table that said
that she had some errands to run. So I fixed myself a PB&J sandwich and
just sat there and watched TV for awhile. About halfway thru the sandwich,
I realized that I'd unconsciously reached up under the sweater and was
fondling my nipples, enjoying the sensation that resulted. Mom returned
home in the middle of the afternoon and she said that among her other
stops, she'd stopped by her doctor's office and chatted with him about what
she had noticed was happening to my chest. I guess he told her that it
might be some sort of allergic reaction to the vitamins she had been giving
me so he had given her a new prescription. So instead of taking two small
white pills twice a day, I'm now taking one large brown pill twice a
day. Mom's sure a nut on health foods and vitamins and stuff.
July -
My cooking ability was like zero. I could pour milk on cereal, or make a
cold cut or PB&J sandwich, but that was about it. The other week Mom asked
me if I'd like to learn how to cook a little. I guess I was bored that day
because I agreed. The surprising thing was that I really enjoy it. I'll
never be a world-renowned chef or anything, but it's fun to try new
recipes. Quite often after supper when all the dishes are cleared away and
washed, I'll just curl up on the couch with a couple of cookbooks and plan
the menu for the next day. I'm doing most of the cooking now, and enjoying
my new-found talent.
Mom's been pretty busy at work lately. In addition to her regular hours,
she's been putting in some overtime and having to go in occasionally on
weekends. I've pretty much taken over doing all the housework to help her
out. I don't mind doing the work and it's nice to be able to look over a
neat and spotless house and take pride in what I've done. Well, that's not
100% true. I do not enjoy doing the bathrooms - especially the toilets -
ugh! Now I can see why Mom was always on my case to be careful and not
splatter any when I took a pee. I've found that it's just as easy to sit
down now when I have to pee instead of standing up like I used to do. At
least when I'm sitting down there's less chance of missing the bowl and
making a mess that I'll later have to clean up.
August -
We had a really hot spell of weather the past week. The temperatures were
in the upper 90's and it was pretty humid. I really don't enjoy weather
like that. The minute I go outside to do any yard work I get all sweaty and
don't feel really comfortable until I've gotten back in the air conditioned
house, taken a shower and dried my hair, and slipped into some nice clean
clothes. It's funny. I was thinking back to about a year ago when I enjoyed
crawling around on the ground under the car, fixing things and not worrying
about how dirty and oily I was getting. I just don't enjoy doing that kind
of thing anymore. Other than the hot and sweaty part, I don't want to take
a chance on messing up my hair. It looks so nice these days that I don't
want to take a chance that I'll get any grease or grass cuttings or dirt in
it.
I don't think that change in vitamins is working the way it was supposed
to. If I was having an allergic reaction to the old prescription, I'm
having the same reaction to the new prescription - maybe even a little
worse. It seems like the swelling in my chest is getting a little bigger,
and my nipples are so tender now that I have to be careful what kind of
tops I wear. I put on a rough cotton blouse the other day and the feeling
of my nipples rubbing against the rough fabric was so irritating that I had
to take it off immediately. I haven't said anything about this to Mom. I've
been wearing looser and baggy tops, no sheer fabrics, so that nothing shows
thru so I don't believe that she's aware of the changes. It's not that I
feel sick or anything so I haven't felt any urgency about discussing it
with her. I figured that I'd just wait awhile and see if things went back
to normal. Actually, there's one part about it that I like. When I lie in
bed in the morning and massage my swollen nipples, the sensation is totally
unlike anything else that I've ever experienced. Even better than jerking
off. Well, speaking of jerking off, I haven't been doing a lot of that
lately. It's just not as pleasurable as it used to be. I can still get an
erection but it takes a lot of playing with myself before I can come, and
the sensation doesn't seem to be as intense as it used to be. It's like,
why go to the trouble when playing with my nipples feels so good and is so
much easier. And I don't get stains on stuff from playing with my nipples!
September -
I hate these phone telemarketers! It seems that when I'm just getting into
some project around the house that the phone rings and I've got to listen
to some asshole try to sell me a new set of gutters. (That's gutters for
the house, not gutters for me personally. HA! HA!) And what really pisses
me off is when I answer the phone and they ask to speak to "..... the man
of the house ....." or they call me "miss" or "madam." Jesus, don't they
know I'm a guy? I hate that. At supper tonight I was telling Mom how that
really annoyed me and she said that maybe it's because my voice seems to be
a little higher-pitched lately. Now I'd never had one of those really
low-pitched rough male voices, but as I listened to myself talk to her I
could see what she was talking about. My voice does seem to be
higher-pitched and softer now.
Mom was kidding me that I ought to be a little careful about my weight. I
guess that with staying around the house most of the time, and sampling my
own cooking that I have put on a few pounds. I sure don't feel any heavier
but when I look in the mirror I can see that my face looks a little rounder
and smoother. Now that we're getting past the hot summer season, I thought
that I might like to take up jogging as an exercise. I went over to the
shopping center a week ago and after much looking finally picked out a
jogging suit. It's really pretty in a pale blue color and looks nice on
me. The first time I went jogging the sensation in my chest surprised
me. As I was jogging I could feel the added weight bouncing around a
little. It's not that it was unpleasant or anything, but I hadn't expected
to feel that. The one problem I had was that my nipples were rubbing on the
inside of the jogging suit and getting somewhat irritated. I thought that
the soft cotton fabric of the suit wouldn't be a problem but I guess my
nipples are more sensitive that I had realized. I found that I could solve
the problem by putting a large band-aid over each nipple before I went
jogging, and then removing it when I came home. That seems to work really
well except that I have to be just a little careful when I remove the
band-aid as the skin on my chest is rather soft and sensitive.
Actually, speaking of soft and sensitive, it seems that the skin all over
my body has taken on a softer texture. It's not bad or anything, just that
it looks different. I figure that it might be because I'm wearing softer
clothing these days instead of the rough shirts and jeans that I used to
wear. Or maybe it's because I'm not doing a lot of heavy outside work and
my skin isn't getting as irritated from the sun and weather. In any event
my skin has a soft white color with a hint of a rosy blush on my cheeks. I
don't think that it looks bad, in fact I like it. Mom got me some creams
and lotions that I can use after I shower and I enjoy putting those on. The
other thing that surprised me is that I just realized that I haven't had to
shave for over a month now. It's not only that my beard has stopped
growing, it's like I don't really have any facial hair at all, just a
little soft down on my cheeks. That doesn't bother me either. One thing
that I never really enjoyed doing was shaving every morning. Either I used
the electric razor and irritated my skin and ended up with a rash on my
neck for several hours, or I used the safety razor and risked nicking
myself and getting spots of blood on my shirt. Thank heaven I don't have to
do that anymore. There is still some hair on my arms and legs, but even
that is lighter and finer, almost a very pale blond, so that it's not
noticeable at all.
October -
Mom called me from work in the middle of the afternoon yesterday to say
that she had been having a really bad day and needed to unwind so if I'd be
ready when she got home, that she'd take us out to supper. She said that
she was thinking about taking us to a new steakhouse that had opened up so
to be sure and dress nice. I hadn't been out of the house in a while and
that sounded nice to me so I finished cleaning the house and then got
ready. I picked out a pair of tan slacks that I like, and a white silk
blouse to go with them. I figured what the heck, might as well go all the
way so I put on a bright red shade of fingernail polish, and brushed my
hair till it shone. When I was putting on the blouse, I noticed that the
gold necklace chain was hanging a little differently. The weight of the
small diamond used to pull the chain down from my neck in a straight "V"
shape. Now because of the changes in my chest, the sides of the "V" are
pushed in toward the center. I had a new pair of white loafers that I had
only worn once or twice so I put those on - no jogging shoes for me
tonight. Mom pulled into the driveway about 6pm and honked the horn and I
came running out and piled into the car and we took off. Since it was a
Thursday, the restaurant wasn't crowded and we were seated in a nice booth
in the corner right away. The restaurant has a western theme and all the
waiters were dressed like cowboys. Our waiter was named Craig and I had to
admit that he looked kind of cute in his tight jeans. So anyway, he's
standing there taking our orders, and Mom kinda kicked me under the table
lightly and I looked over at her and she flicked her eyes up at Craig. I
looked up at Craig and he was staring down at my chest. I had left the top
two buttons on my blouse open and not only were the swellings on my chest
pushing the blouse out in two tiny mounds, but where my blouse was
unbuttoned, you could just see the tops of the swellings. Apparently Craig
really liked stuff like that. After he had taken our order, Mom looked at
me and said "..... that was so funny ....." At first I wasn't sure what to
think of some guy staring at my body that way but then I began to think
that she was right. I don't know why I did what I did next - probably some
brain flash or something - but I bent down and undid the next two buttons
on my blouse so that my chest was exposed right down to the tops of my
nipples. When Craig came back with our salads I thought his eyes were going
to pop out of his head and I noticed that he seemed to have this big
swelling in his crotch. When he cleared our salad plates and returned with
the main course, he had to stand right over me so that he had the best view
down into my blouse. The whole thing was beginning to get me a little
turned on too, and my nipples responded by becoming erect, so now I had two
large hard nipples straining at the thin fabric of my blouse. The whole
thing was going way too far too fast, so after we finished our dinners, we
skipped dessert, paid the check at the cashiers, and left right away. I did
manage to slip a $20 bill under my dinner place without Mom seeing me -
Craig had put on a real show for me, and vice-versa I guess. Mom and I
didn't talk much in the car going home and I went right up to my room and
went to bed. I had trouble going to sleep though, I kept thinking about
Craig and the way he had stared at my chest.
Mom came home from work the other day with a big bag of cosmetics. She said
that as long as I was going to use any makeup at all (she considers
fingernail polish "makeup") that I had better learn how to things right. So
over the next couple of days, she spent the evenings after supper showing
me how to put on eye liner, mascara, blusher, lipstick, and all those sorts
of things. At first I figured it was really dumb but by the end of the
sessions, I was really enthusiastic to see how a little work with the
cosmetics could really change my appearance. Sometimes in the afternoons
when all the housework is done and I've got supper ready, I'll take an hour
or so in my room to experiment with the different kinds of makeup to see
what results I can achieve. This is kind of exciting.
November -
If this doesn't quit pretty soon, I'm going to have to talk to Mom. The
swelling of my chest isn't going away, in fact I've developed two rather
large and prominent white mounds. The best way of describing them is to say
that they look a lot like a girl's breasts - except that they aren't of
course. My nipples are much larger now, about two inches across, and have
turned from pink to a dark brown color. Between the "breasts" and my
nipples, the front of my blouse is forced out about three inches now. I'm
surprised that Mom hasn't noticed. I mean, it's pretty obvious when I walk
around the house. Even with wearing lose-fitting tops, you can tell that
something's happening in there.
Getting dressed now, I tuck my penis back underneath me between my legs. It
feels more natural that way, and I like the way that eliminates the ugly
bulge in the front of my panties. I've stopped wearing blouses now and
shifted over to thick baggy sweaters and sweatshirts to hide my growing
chest. Mom asked me about my change in clothing and I just said that the
house was a little chilly in the wintertime and that I liked the added
warmth - I think she bought it as she didn't ask any more questions.
December -
Well, Mom can't ignore the situation any more. I was standing in the
bathroom this morning, wearing only my panties while I dried my hair. All
of a sudden the door opened and Mom walks in, asking me if she can borrow
my hairbrush. All of a sudden she just stopped and stared at me. And her
jaw dropped as she continued to stare at my chest. I squealed a little and
dropped the hair dryer and tried to cover up my chest with my hands, but
the swellings are so large now that it was like trying to cover up two
grapefruits. About the best I could do was cover the swollen and protruding
large brown nipples that grace the swellings. After what must have been
several seconds, but which seemed like several hours, Mom stepped forward
and gathered me into her arms as I collapsed in tears.
Over the rest of the day my mother and I did a lot of talking. Basically
what she told me was that she was afraid of losing me after Dad died. For
some reason, she started feeding me female hormones, hoping that they would
"quite me down" and make me a little more dependent upon her. Little did
she guess the impact that the pills would have on my body. As we talked
freely, I realized that the changes I had been noticing in my body were the
hormones reshaping it to give me the secondary sex characteristics of a
girl instead of a boy: the heavier hips; higher voice; softer skin; lack of
body hair; and of course my "breasts." Mom immediately apologized over and
over again for what she had done to me and promised that she would take me
to a new doctor and explain what had happened. I told her that I didn't
want to rush into anything. What has happened to me has taken over a year,
and a day more or less won't make any difference at this point.
January -
Mom and I have been kind of taking it day by day for the past month. I
don't really know what I want to do. I really like the characteristics that
my body has developed over the past year, but I don't know how long I want
to go on part male and part female. At some point in the future I'll have
to make up my mind, but not right now. I have continued to take the
hormones but have greatly increased the dosage. I guess I want to see what
my body will become if we continue as we have. The only real effect is that
my breasts have become much larger and very pendulous. Mom offered to get
me some bras but I declined. I like the feel of the weight and heft of my
breasts swinging back and forth as I move, and I like to see their outline
showing thru the tight sheer blouses I wear now. We did measure me the
other day and calculated that if I did get a bra, that I would need about a
40DDD right now.
It's funny, over a year ago I guess I was what you'd call a "tit man." That
is I liked girls with big tits and could get really turned on by watching a
girl with huge tits and a tight sweater. And now I've got a pair of my own
to play with. Mom's still been after me to wear a bra "..... so that you
won't develop stretch marks and your breasts won't sag as you get older."
Well, I really don't think I have to worry about stretch marks too much at
my age, and if they want to sag, so be it - just more to play with! I was
looking at myself in the mirror the other day. From the back I look like a
young girl with my slim figure and long blond hair falling to my hips. But
when I turn around and you see the huge mammary glands that I've developed,
the effect is totally different. I sure turn the guy's heads when I walk
thru the mall these days. I walked past some old lady the other day and
heard her mutter something like "..... totally disgusting. She should wear
something to cover up that chest of hers." I thought that was so funny.
Mom and I decided to go out to supper tonight. We're going to go back to
the steakhouse. I haven't told Mom but I think I'll ask the hostess if
Craig can be our waiter. And I think that I'll manage to have an "accident"
some time during the evening and let one of my huge breasts spill out of my
blouse and onto the table. Should be a fun evening.
