Engagement to an Asian LB

[SamplerDoc]

 Well PD........She Has Her Computer and I have Mine.  Same with a Car etc....
Except Money.  That Seems to be what is Hers is Hers and What is Mine is Hers

[SamplerDoc]

Just a Little Update:

She is Considering changing Hospitals Again, thats a Wreck on My Nerves  
We Have Spent Hours and Days, House Shopping.
Also spent Time Car Shopping as Mine is No Longer Cost Effective  

We have Picked out Colors for the Wedding, Food, Gifts Etc.....
Of Course Location is all Finalized  

A Few Issues have Been ....Her Nerves Seem to be Acting Up.  For Example When I almost Plopped Down a Huge Check for 20% on a House Right Then and There, She Ran Out to Call Mom and Her Best Friend but Later Claimed She was Fine but I think Not  

Our Only Problem I had Seen in Some Degree is About......

Yep Money

I'm a Saver and She is a Spender, Albeit a Smart Spender  

Well Hope You Guys are Still Interested and Reading This, So Let Me Know.
Thanks All for Your Support  

[rxpharm]

Samplerdoc, don't get too concerned about her changing hospitals - as I mentioned she pretty much can pick and choose where she can have the best benefits and salary. However, it might be worthwhile mentioning it may be best to wait until after your Thailand trip for her to change hospitals. Too much change at once will add to the stress.

It does sound like she may be having a bit of the nerves, but think of it this way - she may not have had any aspirations of getting married and now it is almost upon her!

Finances affects any long term relationship - and it may be worthwhile to have more discussions about it so that things are very clear.

Glad to hear things are progressing for the plans - the cake, invitations, colours, etc are all in place, and I would assume she has her wedding dress all picked out as well.

Continued best wishes for all the planning for the wedding, trip, and married life together!

[divertwo]

(SamplerDoc @ Jul. 04 2007,22:23) :

Our Only Problem I had Seen in Some Degree is About......

Yep Money

I'm a Saver and She is a Spender, Albeit a Smart Spender

of course keep it coming. I would not casually skip over the money matters. The habits and life styles we develop based on our personalities are not easily changed, they can be modified for a period of time, but rarely changed. So...if you can not accept the fact that she loves to spend her money AND your money, then it will be a constant point of friction and frustration for you as you see her blow what you have saved for future retirement and secure living in the future. (keep in mind Thais believe destiny takes care of the future)

Now if she chooses to blow her money and you can keep her away from "your" money...maybe you can live with that. Try to set up....her money, your money and our money.....Certainly if she is working and earning a good nurse's paycheck, she should be able to spend some of it.....BUT she should understand the reasons for contributing to the "house hold" payments. If she feels she can spend all of her earnings and then expect you to work and slave to pay everything...I'd have a big problem with that. I want to be more than a meal ticket and a way to improve her style of living....and I've always said that I prefer someone to "want" to be with me, not "need " to be with me.

What you are sharing here is one of my biggest "mental" hurddles I would have to over come if/when I get a long term relationship with a Thai/Filipina LB. A prenuptial sounds better and better every day. Watching someone spend my hard earned money with little regard to a financially secure future would drive me nuts. I can't believe this subject has never come up before with you two. When I did pre-marital counciling with my ex.....the therapist on the first session said money, familiy/relatives issues and sex will be the things that will strain and tear your marriage apart, so we had better get that talked about and addressed before we walk down the aisle. Words of wisdom that held true.

[Guest]

What is interesting, and obvious to me at least, is that all your issues now have nothing to do with the fact that she is a LB. Spends a lot? Nervious a lot? Changing mind a lot? Ring a bell? Lady?

As you will quickly learn, as I have with May, there is not a single problem in our relationship that relates to her being a LB. It is all her being a typical lady, and the stupid things ladies do and like. Likewise, there are not 'fewer' problems because she is a LB. I'd say the problems are pretty equal, albeit, I have to say, in my case, I can go to bars with May, which I could never do with my ex wives or girlfriends.

So while you may not have thought that, you just married a lady, and welcome to problems or good 'ol marriage.

[fancylighters]

Doc,

Congrats and best wishes. As a PI girl, you must understand how important her ties to her family are. It's just something that comes with the deal. Get ready for lots of long-term (as in, are they ever going to leave) visits from her family. And if she has brothers, they're lazy asses who expect to be catered to (think of those nature films, where the parent birds regurgitate food for the chicks to eat - - yes, they're that lazy).

But PI's are good, good people. The guys are dicks, but lots of their hotty girls HAVE dicks - - so it kind of works out

One of the strangest experiences of my life has to be the wedding I attended for a buddy who married a post op girl from Singapore. She was a tall drink of water, damm sweet.

I was sat at the head table because the groom didn't have too many friends he could trust to invite. Weird because his parents had no idea about the true nature of their new daughter in law. I felt like George from Seinfield, inventing on the fly lots of stories about how I knew the couple (none of which could include hanging out at Peanuts in LA with their son, while both of us were getting blow jobs, him from their daughter in law and me from her girlfriends).

Suggest you invite people with some discretion to your ceremony. Or F them, and just enjoy yourself. That's what I'd do if I had the balls.

If you two ever come to LA, let me know.

Terry

p.s., does your honey ever dress up as a naughty nasty nurse for you? God, you're a lucky man.

[SamplerDoc]

Samplerdoc, don't get too concerned about her changing hospitals - as I mentioned she pretty much can pick and choose where she can have the best benefits and salary.  However, it might be worthwhile mentioning it may be best to wait until after your Thailand trip for her to change hospitals.   Too much change at once will add to the stress.

Seems she will apply for a Full Time Job at The Current ER

It does sound like she may be having a bit of the nerves, but think of it this way - she may not have had any aspirations of getting married and now it is almost upon her!

 Seems to be the Case or Least I hope that is it.  She has moments of being all prepared and calm for this wedding and wanting to refine plans or make more and other times She is not interested in making any plans  

[SamplerDoc]

I would not casually skip over the money matters.  

Try to set up....her money, your money and our money.....Certainly if she is working and earning a good nurse's paycheck, she should be able to spend some of it.....BUT she should understand the reasons for contributing to the "house hold" payments.

We are setting up a Pre-Nup for Her and I. We have worded to where we are both Happy with it.... now off to the Lawyer  

What you are sharing here is one of my biggest "mental" hurddles I would have to over come When I did pre-marital counciling with my ex.....the therapist on the first session said money, familiy/relatives issues and sex will be the things that will strain and tear your marriage apart, so we had better get that talked about and addressed before we walk down the aisle.  Words of wisdom that held true.  

 This is Great Advice, Thanks  
Seems all three topics have come up many times, but mostly Money and Her Mom

[SamplerDoc]

(ziggystardust @ Jul. 06 2007,00:42) What is interesting, and obvious to me at least, is that all your issues now have nothing to do with the fact that she is a LB.
there is not a single problem in our relationship that relates to her being a LB.
So while you may not have thought that, you just married a lady, and welcome to problems or good 'ol marriage.

Oh Ziggy so True are Your Words.......
There are the same issues of any couple albeit we have some added benefits as you said..... sex and bar hopping and flirting all seem to be better

[moe666]

SD, good luck to you. Remember you are getting hitched to an asian and what is yours is hers and what is hers is hers.

You are expected to support her.

[Fred_Nguyen]

From OLD SCHOOL:

Frank: Hey, I just want to thank you one last time for being here. It's the best day ever.

Beanie: Don't even start with me, Franklin, okay? You need to walk away from this ASAP.

Frank: What?

Beanie: You need to get out, Frankie. This is it. It's now or never. You need to get out of here while you're still single.

Frank: I'm not single.

Beanie: She's yards away, you're single now.

Frank: Come on, Marissa's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Beanie: Why don't you give that six months. You don't think that'll change? I got a wife, kids. Do I seem like a happy guy to you, Frankie? There's my wife. See that?Always smiling? Hi, honey. Judging, watching, "Look at the baby."

Frank: She's coming down the aisle, Beanie. Let it go.

Beanie: Let me be the first to say congratulations to you then. You get one vagina for the rest of your life.
Real smart. Way to work it through.

[SamplerDoc]

(moe666 @ Jul. 20 2007,07:12) SD, good luck to you. Remember you are getting hitched to an asian and what is yours is hers and what is hers is hers.

 You are expected to support her.

 You are So Right Moe    

[katoeylover]

Hi,

I read elsewhere that you are travelling alone, hope all is ok here? or is she joining you later. . nosey minds would like to know... sorry!!

[SamplerDoc]

(katoeylover @ Jul. 30 2007,05:01) Hi,

I read elsewhere that you are travelling alone, hope all is ok here?    or is she joining you later. . nosey minds would like to know... sorry!!

Um..........an Update
Yes, I traveled in Advance Alone.  Yes ,we were to meet later but that all changed.....
Lets put it this way...
I met with PD in Pattaya at some point in August we were walking down the road talking, he asked me what was her name again and for a brief few minutes neither of Us could recall

We did have a great

So the dream will never happen with her but Perhaps I will find a Nice Girl Here...I have the year to look

[rxpharm]

Hmm, wow, maybe that is the result of "shagging your brains out!"

Perhaps for the best, and since you are in LOS for almost a year - you may actually meet someone else (possibly outside of the p4p scene).

Don't forget to take that course so you can prove to your company you actually did study something else besides lbs in LOS!