The jokes thread...

[mirimark]

I just got back from a GAY PICNIC.
Man,  the hotdogs tasted like shit.


A three legged dog walked into a Bar and sat down and said,  I'm looking for the guy who shot my paw.


A man had sex with an Asian lady and about 4 days later while taking a piss he noticed open sores on his penis.   He went to a doctor and asked for his opinion. He told the doctor he had sex with an Asian lady a few days before.   The doctor examined his penis and a few minutes later the Doctor said; I am sorry sir, but we'll have to amputate.   The guy  say Whooooow !  wait a minute.  I want a second opinion.  The doctor recommended he go see an Asian Doctor.

So the man goes and sees an Asian Doctor.  He tells the Asian doctor he wants a second opinion.
The asian doctor Looks at his penis and starts shaking his head.  The asian Doctor asks;  have you been doing anything for this condition?  The man says no.  The asian doctor says;  Well, what did the American doctor tell you to do?   The man said, the american doctor said he had to Amputate.
The asian doctor starts to laugh and says;
Stupid american doctor, don't you do anything sir,  it will fall off by itself in a few weeks.

[Guest]

LOL, that guy is OWNED! . I still love my Asians above all else though!

[Randyman]

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring Yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion Among them. First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once We settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be Mine. Now, I don't
know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, But I aint' givin' him any of mine."
Second Bull: "That pretty much says It for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight till I run him off or kill 'im, but I'M KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."
Third Bull: "I've only been here a Year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care Of." I may not be as big as you fellows (yet)
but I am young and virile, So I simply MUST keep all MY cows."
They had just finished their big Talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with Only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son- of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point. First Bull: "Ahem ... You know, it's actually been some time since I Really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare
A few for our new friend."
Second Bull: "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an argument." They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his Horns, and snorting.
First Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real Quick. Let him have some
of your cows and live to tell about it."
Third Bull: "Sh*t, he can have ALL my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm A bull!!!

Randyman

[Guest]

An old bull and a young bull were stood on a hill overlooking a herd of cows in the field below.

The young bull says to the old bull - 'lets run down the hill and fuck a cow' The old bull says - 'No! we will walk down the hill and fuck them all'

[katoeylover]

At the end of the tax year the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit
the books of a synagogue.
While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I
notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
€œGood question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send
them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us
free box of candles."
Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What
about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?" Ah, yes,"
replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him
with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to
the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of matzo
balls."
I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster
the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all
the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?" Here, too,
we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the
foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."

[PigDogg]

A hippy gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and ask her, €œCan we have sex?€
"No," she replies, €œI€™m married to God.€
She then stands up and gets off at the next stop. The bus driver, who overheard the conversation, turns to the hippy and says, €œI can tell you how to get to have sex with her!€

"Yeah?" Says the hippy.
"Yeah," says the bus driver. €œShe goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God!"

The hippy decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night. €œI am God,€ he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face, "You must have sex with me..€

The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex,        as she is desperate not to loose her virginity. €œGod€ agrees and promptly has his wicked way with her. As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.

"Ha-Ha!" he cries, €œI'm the hippy!€
"Ha-Ha", cries the nun. €œI'm the bus driver!"    

[mirimark]

O.k. I've done this before, so I made the effort to google and searched all Fishbox pages to give it a BUMP.

I couldn't find it, so I want to start it again. If someone else can find the Old Jokes topic I would appreciate it. I posted quite a few in there.

.

[mirimark]

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, "13...13....13...13."

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.

Some "so-and-so" poked me in the eye with a stick.

Then they all started shouting. "14...14...14...14....."

[allstar88]

   

[jimslim]

Murphy and Paddy are at the airport waiting to go on holiday ,
Murphy turns to Paddy and says "Shit Paddy , I wish I had remembered the TV "
TV? says Paddy" sure we,ll not be needing a TV where we are going "
"But I left the passports and tickets sitting on top of it "says Murphy .

........................................

I bought a bottle of HP sauce last week .
Its costing me 20p a week for the next year .


   

[seanbeag7]

A farmer brings his sick dog to the vet, and begs the vet to check the dog out, well the vet checks the dog and goes to the farmer and says, "your dog is dead and there is nothing i can do for him now", well the poor farmer starts to cry and begs the vet to make sure there is anything to save the dog.

So the vet thinks about it for a minute and says that he will try one more thing, and so, the vet goes to a cage and pulls out a big cat and places it on the table beside the dog, the cat sniffs the dog and then walks around the table, and then raises himself and pisses on the dog.

the vet goes to the farmer and says there is nothing we can do now. the farmer cries and asks the vet what he owes for the job he did. The vet says " 60 euros vet fees and 600 euro for the Cat-scan".

[kahuna]

Know the difference between an attorney and a hooker...

The hooker stops fucking you when you die...

[mirimark]

Whats better than Roses on a Piano ?
Two Lips on an Organ.

[Guest]

A bloke walks into a shop and goes up to the shop keeper "Can I have a wasp?" he says,

Sorry sir we don't sell wasps says the shop keeper.

But you have one in the window says the bloke.

[mirimark]

Found it.