The jokes thread...

[daveduke007]

A Coach load of Irish folk on a mystery tour decide to have a sweepstake to guess where they are going!.....

The Driver won £52

[mirimark]

Okay... so there is this little old man in a nursing home. he is going around in his walker and stops in front of this other old man and asks " hey, how old do you think I am?  The other man answers "mmm, I do not know, maybe 75?"   ''NO.. wrong.  I am  65, huh!" the little old man keeps walking and finds another resident from the nursing home and asks him the same question  " how old do u think I am?"  and the oldman answers "mmm, I do not know... 70? ".... little old man answers  "NOO, wrong..I am 65"  and  walks away... little old man continues to do this until he comes up to this older woman and asks the same question  "  how old do you think I am ? "    the woman looks him over and says  "  mmm, drop your pants and I' ll tell you"   The little old man is surprised by her request but drops his pants anyway.  The older woman reaches down and fondles his balls with her hand and a thoughtful look on her face... finally she answers " 65"... the little old man startled asks her  "HOW DID YOU KNOW  ?"   the older woman smiles and says  "you told me yesterday, old fool"

Written & posted by;  Mirimarks Wife
  Miriam.

[mirimark]

How can you tell if mirmark has been to one of your parties ?
All you beer is drank, your dog is pregnant and the cops arrest me outside of a castle singing;'
" LETS DO THE TIME WARP TOGETHER"

[spare wheel]

Ramadan is here again. The one time of the year where muslims cannot eat or drink within the hours of daylight they just starve. Never has the term "not enough hours in the day" been more fucking appropriate.

[Steff]

Good one SW!!!!

[Rocket J. Squirrel]

Found on "muslim" t-shirt site:

[whore]

If you dont think I am a nosey bastard why did you write it in your diary then !!!

[mirimark]

A Irish man walks out of a Bar.  
No seriously, it really happened.    

[whore]

Paddy Englishman, Paddy Irishman and Paddy Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were.

Paddy Englishman says:

"I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought 300 quids worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge to keep it in!"

Paddy Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker:

"Just last week, she went out and spent £17,000 on a new car, and she doesn't even know how to drive!"

Paddy Irishman nods wisely, and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber:

"Ah, it kills me every time I think of it," he chuckles. "My wife recently left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she doesn't even have a cock!"

[mirimark]

Fregg'n halarious.
I should know this by now , I'm embarrased to ask but here goes. Whats a Paddy ?

[Steff]

I'm with you Mirimark. What the hell is a "paddy"?

[daveduke007]

Paddy, in British English, slang (often derogatory) for an Irishman


Paddy may also refer to:

Paddy, a masculine given name, and a common diminutive for Patrick or Pádraig

Plastic Paddy, a superficial claim to Irish heritage

paddy Noun. A rage, a tantrum or an upset. E.g "O.K., calm down, don't get in a paddy." {Informal}

[Jake_Sully]

Ok so this was sent to me as a forward. Don't hate, I did have a small laugh...

Well, it appears Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton have found yet something else to be pissed about. Maxine Waters, a black congresswoman reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names. She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture, such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in language that street people can understand because one of the problems in New Orleans is that regular folks couldn't understand the seriousness of the situation due to the racially biased language of the weather report. I can hear it now: A Houston weatherman says:

"Wazzup, mutha-fukkas! Hehr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo ass like Leroy on a crotch rocket! Bitch be a category fo'! So grab yo' chirren, yo'Ho, be leavin yo crib, and head fo' da nearest guv'ment office fo yo FREE shit!"

[mirimark]

FUCKING PRICLESS
You owe me a beer Jake for the one I just Spit all over the FLoor.

[whore]

Plastic Paddy, a superficial claim to Irish heritage

That can also be refered to as a "Seamus".